Unending

Goodbye is the passing of time

against your will without having the 

power to stop it...

Goodbye is a tear falling on soft pillows

as a gentle head lays on it...

Goodbye is a word, which brings sorrow to

the one who should speak it...

Goodbye is a thousand stakes plunged through

one's heart...

It is the falling of leaves on sweet

summer's end .. a hat blown away by the

wind...dead roses through pages of 

books...

And it does not end...Like the same

flowing river that is never the same every

second of the day... it is a vicious 

Cycle..it never ends..never ends...

IT

I walk the earth when darkness settles in
I roam the vast plane when coldness
               hungs in the air
I pass through deserted and quiet streets
I am born when the sun dies
I swim through the darkest and deepest
               oceans
I take shelter under the cold and harsh rain
I feed on depression and loneliness
I am the howling wind from the east
I am the cold and creaking stairs
I am the harsh slapping of ocean waves
               on the rocks
I spread my wings towards the black horizon
               and fly over restless souls
I live inside every forgotton books and
               thrive on torn pages
I am the witness to every tear shed
               and break every breaking heart...

Into the Night..

She Walks in Moonlight
     Steadily, slowing and cunningly
her body gracefully as She Leaned
     on the roof

Her movements so Coordinated
     Like a trained assassin
        on the kill,
with her innate skills
       and inborn patience
              she waits...

She walks under the soft glow of the moon
   her yellow eyes with unwavering stare
             alert as ever...
her soft hair glistening in the
              darkness of the night
         and perfect sharp teeth under
                       a wicked smile
And with unbelievable stillness
            she waits......


-------------------------------------
staring on a rooftop one night on June 2002

I got flowers today

I got flowers today
It wasn’t my birthday or
any other special day
we had our first argument last night,
and he said a lot of cruel
things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and
didn’t mean the things he said.
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today
It wasn’t our anniversary or
any other special day.
Last night, he threw me to the wall
and started to choke me.
It seemed like a nightmare
I couldn’t believe it was real
I woke up this morning sore and
bruised all over. He must be sorry…
Because he sent me flowers today.
I got flowers today, and it wasn’t
Mother’s Day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again and it was
much worse than all the other times.
If I leave him, what will I do?
How will I take care of my kids?
What about money?
I’m afraid of him and scared to leave
But I know he must be sorry…
Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today
Today was a very special day
It was the day of my funeral.
Last night, he finally killed me.
He beat me up to death.
If only I have gathered enough courage
and strength to leave him,
I would not have gotten flowers today.

~ Anonymous ~

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for all the women out there.

When the curtain falls

When my grandfather died, it felt like my whole world fell apart.

It felt like I was being pulled out of reality or worse, it felt like reality was beginning to pull the curtains down from my eyes allowing me to see its true nature. I was also beginning to see my own life in a whole new different perspective. But if that was reality, I wouldn't know what confusion is. It seemed I was more confused than I have ever been in my entire life.

Once or twice in our lives, we encounter things that we regret doing and even not doing. The good point or perhaps the greatest point in our lives would actually be having done something or was able to to something to rectify that regret. But the most depressing would be knowing that you can never do something about it...ever...

But when my grandfather died, my whole world crumbled into this little pieces that I know would be hard for me to pick up easily. I did more than mourn for him. I cried my heart out. He meant the world to me. Nobody could have known it for I was not the type to wear her heart out on her sleeve. I thought the 'big man' was immortal. I thought he was gonna be there forever. So even though I have always wanted to kiss him and tell him how much I loved him, I did not. I saved it for another time that I thought we were always gonna have. But time was actually running out. And that is one of my greatest regret in life. I was not able to show affection when I have all the chance and all the time in the world. Well, because, I am just not that kind of person. It is very difficult to express emotions in my world. And the greatest depression is, no matter how hard I tried, how hard I cried, I can never ever tell my grandfather all the things I wanted to say, all the things I wanted to do...ever...

...for he is gone forever but in my heart...

And I am not sure that I'd be able to pick up the little pieces entirely.



-----------

my grandfather died April 16, 2001